


Ben Arnold Against the World

by Trash_tzar



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Liberal use of pain, Other, i cant keep anything angsty it seems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:10:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7578904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash_tzar/pseuds/Trash_tzar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Arnold suffers a mental breakdown, and realizes that maybe the notebook isn't the only thing that makes him feel close to Emily</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ben Arnold Against the World

**Author's Note:**

> :))))) this is so bad I am so sorry :))))))

Ben Arnold is in love with a girl in a space ship. It hurts like hell. Despite it, he is clockwork. He thought losing Emily would throw him off schedule, but it's all the same. Different routine, but the same one everyday. Wake up. Eat. Check the notebook. Follow a lead. Do the show. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

He wants her home more than anything he's ever wanted. He misses the little things about her. Her love of sweater vests, the way she hid her laugh behind her hand, the way she pushed her bangs straight back and scrunched her eyebrows when she concentrated. He grips the notebook tighter when he thinks about these things. This notebook is her way home. His way to her.

It's become Ben Arnold against the world. The town thinks he can't hear them whisper as he passes, but he does. He knows he looks like shit. Grooming, laundry, sleeping, none of that is important anymore. Sleeping only makes it worse anyway. He hears her voice every time he closes his eyes, hears her beg for him to save her. He sees her as she was, quiet and gentle, sitting on the check out counter with a book when she knew he was the only one in the library. She would read her favorite parts to him. He was never more in love with her than he was in those moments. No matter what dream he had of her, every time she turned to look him in the eyes, he woke up in a cold sweat, crying with a desperation he had never known.

The show helped. At least, he thought the show helped. The more he thought about it, the less he was sure it was the show that was helping him stabilize. King Falls AM was where he met her, where he lost her, and only brought back the most bittersweet memories. So what was it about being in that airless studio in the early hours of the morning that made him feel like he was home more than his own house?

He didn't figure that out until he completely broke down. He had just gotten home from the studio. Something about tonight's show had reminded him of her, more than usual. Emily. He drove home in a trance. Emily. He went through the motions of getting ready for bed. Emily. He gripped his notebook the whole time. Emily. As he approaches his bed, the idea of seeing her again but not being able to hold her, tell her that he loves her, is too much. He sobs. Desperate and lonely. He sinks to his knees, hand over his mouth, notebook clutched to his chest.

A hand slides over his back, smelling like rainwater and campfire. The same smell that relaxed him in the studio. The same hand that steadied him during the more upsetting leads. Sammy.

"You left your jacket at the studio." He explained softly. Sammy kneels beside him, slipping his arm around Ben's shoulders. Ben leans into him, desperate for the comfort that only Sammy has been able to offer, even before Ben had needed it. From the moment he came to town, Sammy Stevens had been a beacon of warmth and friendship and love.

Sammy reached for the notebook, still pressed to Ben's chest. _Don't-_  Sammy closes it without hesitation, placing it on the bed without ever trying to read it.

"Need to know, right?" He muttered, pulling Ben closer. Ben glances up to see Sammy's eyes threatening tears of his own.

"If you're crying and I'm crying," Ben starts to joke, wiping his own cheeks, "who's flying the plane?" Sammy laughed the saddest laugh Ben had ever heard, leaning his head against Ben's. Ben closes his eyes, breathing him in, wishing he could spend the rest of his life in this moment. Or maybe at least until Emily got home. Sammy and Emily. Ben didn't need anyone else when he had them.

"Feeling better?" Sammy asked

"Mm hm."

"C'mon. Rose's. Pancakes. I'm buying."

"How about a beer?"

"Yea, because alcohol is exactly what you need."

"You never know unless you try, right." Sammy laughed, a sound unique to Sammy, deep and kind that shook his whole body. Ben was pretty sure he was in love with Sammy's laugh. Sammy locked his fingers between Ben's, tugging him gently to his feet.

"I should probably change." Ben protested weakly.

"You think anyone in this town actually cares?"

"I'm in a tank top and boxers."

"And?" Ben laughed again. No sweeter sound than the laugh of the broken. Sammy was the only person in town who could make Ben laugh. God, and he loved him for it. Loved him for everything. Loved Sammy.

"Ok. Yeah, I'm ready. But first-" He tugged Sammy into a hug, wrapping himself into him. "Thank you. You've done more than you needed to for me. More than I could have asked."

"You're my best friend," Sammy told him, promised him. "I love you, and I love Emily, and I'm here for you now and when she gets home and for the rest of our lives after that." Ben smiled into Sammy's shoulder.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Ben Arnold is in love with a girl in a space ship. Ben Arnold is also in love with a boy in a radio studio. And somehow, the girl doesn't feel so far away when he holds the boy's hand. Sammy and Emily and Ben Arnold against the world.


End file.
